The Mind And Its Stories — How To Work With Your Ego And Fall Away From Fear Based False Beliefs
- Penny Louise
- Dec 15, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 27
By Penny Louise
Reframing how we live with our egos can truly be life-changing. By learning to recognise when your ego-driven mind is creating fear-based stories, understanding why it does this, and using actionable steps to ground yourself in the present moment and facts, you can free yourself from self-imposed limitations. If achieving greater peace and clarity in your life sounds like something you want, keep reading.
My Story: Health Anxiety and the Ego’s Power
One of the biggest triggers for my ego to run wild has always been health concerns. Because of my history with health anxiety, even the smallest physical symptom can send me into a spiral and I use this technique to re-centre. This pattern began when I experienced a serious health condition and would get random calls from the hospital, sometimes in the middle of the night, urging me to rush to the ER. Often, the news was mixed—sometimes it was nothing, other times it was life-altering. My nervous system became hardwired for worst-case scenarios.
Even now, a small ache or unusual feeling can make my mind leap to catastrophic conclusions. It’s not just imagining the illness; my ego scripts an entire story of a painful decline, the life I’d lose, and the burden I’d place on others.
Have you ever noticed how your mind loves to spin tales, especially in moments of uncertainty? A single unanswered text from a loved one becomes proof they don’t care about you. A fleeting glance from a stranger morphs into assumed judgment. Before you know it, you’re living in a story your mind created, reacting as if it were real.
One of my favourite quotes by Charles Horton Cooley beautifully captures this dynamic:
"I am not who I think I am,I am not who you think I am,I am who I think you think I am."
We spend so much of our lives caught up in assumptions about how others perceive us. Yet, most people are too busy living their own stories to think much about you at all! This need to anticipate how others might see us is rooted in evolutionary survival—staying accepted by the tribe once meant staying alive. But in modern life, this instinct often leads to unnecessary stress.
This sums it up really well. We go around living based on what we think others think of us without really considering - people aren't really thinking that much about you at all! However, evolutionarily speaking, this is likely a protective mechanism for preventing us from being kicked out of the tribe as we need the tribe to survive.
This is the mind’s writer's room at work, crafting narratives that pull you away from reality and into a world of fear, doubt, and overthinking. But why does it do this? And more importantly, how can you stop it?
Why Does the Mind Create Stories?
The mind craves certainty. When facts are missing, the ego steps in to “fill the gaps,” trying to make sense of the unknown. Unfortunately, it often fills those gaps with fear.
The ego is designed to protect you, which makes it hypersensitive to threats—real or imagined. While this was useful for our ancestors, it often misfires in today’s world, creating unnecessary anxiety.
The ego's stories often stem from fear: fear of rejection, failure, or the loss of control.
It’s an ancient survival mechanism that served our ancestors well when the stakes were life or death. However, in today’s world, this mechanism often misfires, creating unnecessary stress and anxiety.
How These Stories Harm Us
Believing the mind’s stories can have profound consequences:
Emotional Turmoil:
You may feel anxious or angry over events that haven’t even happened. Once this begins it's hard to come out of it. We can very easily spiral if not careful. Read more about tuning into emotions when they arise to listen to what these fears and created emotions could be telling you.
Strained Relationships:
Assumptions about others’ intentions can lead to misunderstandings. We can project past situations onto others or assume our fears realising themselves before even communicating with friends and loved ones. Learning how to recognise this within yourself helps to recognise when this is happening for other people too and this level of mutual self-awareness can build strong relationships.
Missed Opportunities:
Fear-based stories may hold you back from pursuing your dreams. The stories created by the ego often persuade us to act impulsively out of fear based beliefs, but it can also prevent us from doing the things that are beneficial. Fear of assuming how other people will think or react to us can prevent us from living our lives.
Exhaustion:
The mental energy spent maintaining these stories leaves you drained. This kind of overworking of the mind leaves very little energy or time for anything else making it hard to live a fulfilled and happy life.
The good news? You don’t have to be a slave to these narratives. Understanding how to work with the ego and identify in the moment when this is happening can bring you out of this pattern sooner than you think.
How to Spot When It’s Happening
My goal with most of my posts is to help individuals become self-aware. Recognising when your mind is spinning stories is the first step toward freedom. Here are some signs to watch for:
Overanalysing:
Are you dissecting every word or action of someone else? Are you creating scenarios based on judgement and story after story. This happened, and so it must mean x,y & z?
Catastrophising:
Are you imagining the worst-case scenario with no evidence to support it? What's dangerous about this is that imagination and real life can't be differentiated by the mind. I am a huge believer in the power of visualisations and so we must be careful what we create in our mind. We create our own reality so we must be careful not to manifest from a place of fear.
Emotional Overload:
Do your emotions feel disproportionate to the situation? It's difficult for sure as you don't want to dismay your own emotions by asking this question, and so this may take time and it often takes a lot of self-awarness and honesty.
Assumptions as Facts: Are you treating your assumptions as if they’re true?
Of course not right? Again, this takes honest and self-awareness. We want out egos and fears to be justified and our resulted emotions to be validated, but what are the facts and what are the assumptions? This process can look very different for everyone's unique journey's and personalities.
When you notice these patterns, it’s time to pause and check in with yourself.
What Do I Know? The Power of Coming Back to Facts
One of the simplest yet most powerful questions you can ask yourself is:
What are the simple facts here?
This question acts as a reset button, grounding you in the present moment and separating fact from fiction.
Here’s how to do it:
Pause: Take a deep breath and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Always give space for this, we don't want to add any 'should' or 'shouldn't' statements e.g. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you do with out any judgement.
Ask: What do I actually know about this situation? Often you'll be surprised at how much you don't know about a situation in comparison to what you're telling yourself that you know.
Challenge: Are there any gaps in my knowledge that I’m filling with assumptions? As you identify the assumptions, allow them to fall away. Acknowledge your ego for trying to help you prepare. This is not a war against your ego, but a gentle moving away from allowing it to have the majority voice.
Refocus: What actions, if any, do I need to take based on the facts? Also, what actions were you considering or already taken which were based on projections or assumptions. Again, be gentle with yourself, this is a new process and you're doing your best.
By shifting your focus from the story to the present facts, you reclaim your power and inner peace.
Practical Strategies to Ground Yourself
If you find it hard to let go of the stories, try these techniques:
Mindful Breathing: Focus on your breath to anchor yourself in the now. Practice techniques identified here.
Journaling: Write down the story and then separate facts from assumptions. Revisit this whenever the emotions get high, add to it when new information comes in or new assumptions begin to form.
Acknowledge your ego and thank it for doing it's best to prepare you for the worst and you will check back in when new information arrives. Be kind and respond further by agreeing that you are no longer a person who responds based on fear based beliefs and projections rather than solid facts. This is a gentle process.
Visualisation: Imagine your intrusive thoughts as clouds drifting away, leaving a clear sky.
Hypnotherapy: Work with a professional to uncover and heal the deeper fears driving these patterns.
It’s Not Just You
Remember, this is part of being human. Your mind will always try and find meaning and it is doing so in order to protect you. The stories are a natural (even if unhelpful) byproduct of that. The goal isn’t to silence your mind but to build the awareness and tools to respond differently. With time, the aggressive nature that can sometimes accompany the thoughts will quieten and this process will become second nature.
Take the Next Step Toward Inner Peace
If you’re tired of living in the stories your mind creates and ready to embrace the truth of the present moment, hypnotherapy can help. Through guided sessions, we’ll explore the root of these patterns and equip you with tools to navigate life with clarity and ease.
Take the first step by booking a free consultation today. Let’s rewrite your narrative—not with fear, but with empowerment, peace, and truth.
Listen to the Podcast Episode on this topic
